So close…

Don’t take the heading the wrong way. Everything about today went well. But someone at the last minute decided I do indeed need more platelets and a CT scan to get a new baseline of my lungs. I know, I just had an x ray. But this, they say, is the “new” me so I need a new baseline. And then one thing after another happened along to delay my escape, including air in the line and some mysterious backup, flustering the poor nurses. Nurses trying not to exhibit their flusteredness is a thing to behold.

Last night I was frothing at the mouth to get out (good thing no one saw me),  because  one by one someone gave me a reason why this was not to be. So when I got my night pass, we rushed home, collar high and mask tight into the below zero night, trying not to think I have less than 0.01 white blood cells. Any germish encounter would slap me right back, so I touched nothing nothing nothing. While I got organized, Pete prepared a nice dinner of rice and lentils,  something I have yet to see on any hospital menu, some frozen veggies and a bit of processed fish. I was so excited and ate what I could, sans crispy fish crust, chewing everything very thoroughly. After about 10 minutes I needed to sit back and evaluate how I felt. I had eaten bird size food, but it was real food, and a shock, quite frankly, to my system. Then came that feeling. You know it. The “get the bucket” kind of feeling. Not to be too gross but I noticed what came up most was the Kraft peanut butter and toast I needed to get by before we could leave. Then I was fine and we watched a movie together.

After returning like Cinderella at the strike of 11pm for my night time drip, I took an Ativan to assure a good night sleep and woke rested at 8:30 this morning.  I guess it is Shrove Tuesday, but there was no way I was touching those poopy patties and that glucose-fructose concoction. This time, I was prepared. I had brought from home a container of real oatmeal sprinkled with maple syrup that was percolating in the fridge. All I needed was a nurse to bring hot water and a little milk to mush it up. I ate about half and lay back waiting for it to build me up, buttercup! What I was really looking forward to was lunch, a delivery from Ottawa’s best vegetarian restaurant, The Green Door. We had scoped it out months ago as a source of good food, and maybe it was the chemo but it completely slipped my mind until the other day! So I asked for lentils, rice, vegan Caesar salad (safe because the dressing contains no raw egg), avocado, marinated beets, tzatziki and chocolate swirl cheesecake! Eating it was well, see for yourself.

The day that was to be just a drop in is now ending after 8 pm. From now until the next fever comes by, I need to come in every morning at 8:30 for an hour of antibiotics, then I go home again. It will be a nice new routine to get used to.

In terms of symptoms, what has noticeably changed is the tissue inside my mouth. Everyone checks to look for the inevitable sores BMT patients get. This had me a little anxious to get proper food into me before it was too late. Except for the pineapple in the fruit salads, everything else manages to go down if taken in small amounts, chewed well. A happy bonus is that this cheesecake just melts in your mouth anyway, so no chewing is required… As often as possible, especially after eating, I need to rinse with a saline solution. It just has become a habitual thing. No teeth brushing anymore, but if I feel particularly gross, a well directed washcloth does the trick.

Just an aside that totally pumped me up, news from the homefront. Jessie started basketball after I left. Today her team went to the finals and got in second, so all the girls are kissing their silver medals!  And Jess scored 6 baskets!!! This skill did not come from me, I was terrible at basketball; you’d think a team with the name Gold would have more luck. We lost every game, but I had fun. Yet to this day, it is the only sport I will pause to watch on tv.

One final note. Today happens to also be the new moon. This is an important time for farmers as it is the best for planting, allowing new life to begin. I kind of feel that this is what my marrow is doing. I have planted a new life and now it begins.


3 thoughts on “So close…

  1. You remain in such good spirits I’m in awe! So happy that you can leave the hospital every day. How soon until your blood cells build themselves up!?

  2. I’ve always wanted to go to The Green Door! Glad you are getting some goodies from there….

    Also, I think that’s a very pretty shot of you, Sus!

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